Oh Christmas Tree And Other Holiday Bunkola

I'm not sure why it takes almost a week to get a Christmas tree up and running in my household. On paper, I think my family likes the concept of a beautifully decorated tree. Reality is another story. After a week of discussions on the pros and cons of a big tree versus the table-top variety, it became very apparent that no one really wanted to make the huge leap of getting into the car and actually buying a tree.
By last Sunday, I'd had it and realized it was up to me. I drove down to Whole Foods (it really is nice to have one so conveniently located) picked out the first nicely shaped tree that would fit in the back of my SUV and drove home.
It's now Wednesday...I'm still decorating the damn thing! Oh well. Some people have heartwarming holiday traditions, I have my yearly holiday torture.
After dragging the seven foot tree up two flights of stairs by myself, another member of my household (who shall remain nameless for a variety of reasons) helped me maneuver it into the tree stand. It was straight and well-shaped, and ready for some twinkling lights.
Yeah, right. I had already gone through the four sets of lights from last year. They all seemed to be in perfect working order...until I had three quarters of the first string wrapped around the upper half of the tree. I happened to glance over at the youngest member of the household (who shall also remain nameless because who wants to be called out in your mom's blog)as she held onto the tail end of the lights, which were, for whatever reason, no longer twinkling.
"SON OF A @&*$#*%*," I screamed, loud enough to make the poor kid drop the lights. "ARE YOU $&*#*#+&*% KIDDING ME?"
Yes, I yell and swear, so sue me. My people are loud and short-tempered, it's genetic.
"I suppose this is my fault." said my daughter. "I didn't do anything, I was just standing here!"
"It's not your fault," I said, regaining some composure. "Let's pull them off and string a new set."
"Mom, go sit down, I'll put them on," she said.
And she did, very nicely, I might add. Today after work, we'll add a few more decorations, and I think we'll be done!

On a much sweeter note, I asked my fourteen year old nephew what he'd like for Christmas. He's the toughest one on my list, but now that he's in high school his interests have broadened.
"I'd like a book that explains how women work," he said.
Ahh, my young, naive nephew. If only a book could help us figure out everything we need to know about the opposite sex.  I scoured the teenage book section on Amazon.com and came up with what looked like the best choices, books that advised nice boys on how to win a girl's heart while still being true to themselves.
I also sent him a case of his favorite body wash because after he's wooed the women, he's going to want to smell nice. That's important, too.