The People Who Eat My Brain

Let me tell you about the people who live in my house. One is big and hairy, and old and moody. The other person, is young and pretty, and self-absorbed. But she's a teenager and I'll cut her some slack. I will refrain from mentioning their names because they have no interest in playing an active role in my ramblings.

Let's call them the People Who Eat My Brain.

Old and Moody for example, has managed to avoid most family vacations over the past sixteen years, not to mention spending much time with either branch of our respective families. He will make exceptions for funerals which we all think is so grand of him!

Over Summer or Winter breaks, it was me and the child, and many times when we were on one adventure or another, white-water rafting in Utah, or DisneyWorld, people rightly assumed that I was a single mom.

But every once in a great while O/M completely floors me.

"When does Spring break fall this year?" he asked while we were preparing dinner the other night. "I was thinking of taking the girl on a road trip."

Well I'll be darned, I thought.

"Where are you thinking of going?" He has a two seater convertible and I couldn't imagine exactly what type of voyage was brewing in that brain of his.

"The Grand Canyon," he said, as casually as if he was planning to take her up the street to the CVS. "I think we can get there in a couple of days."

Unless he was thinking of strapping rocket jets onto his tiny wind up toy of a motor vehicle, I couldn't comprehend how he thought he'd get there so fast from our Eastern seaboard home. But I stayed positive for his sake, as well as our daughter's.

"Well that sounds wonderful," I said. "You two will have a great time."

As if on cue, braineater #2 walked in, apparently having caught the tail end of our conversation.

"Where's dad taking me?"

"The Grand Canyon for Spring break," I said. "Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Can't we go to Maine instead?" she asked.

MAINE!?

"No, that's too far," said #1.

Too Far? I sensed this grand adventure coming to an end before it even started.

"C'mon, you two, a father-daughter trip is a great idea," I insisted. "Life is short, go have some fun!"

"Oh, mom...you just want to have the house to yourself," chimed #2.

You're darned right I do, little girl....and I don't care if it takes duct tape, valium, and two round trip tickets on a Greyhound bus bound for the great Southwest!